Yep, it's all relative to where you happen to be:

You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under
72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and
allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his
home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He has about a
quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache".

By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be
called "mentally unstable". Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:

In Arizona , he'd be called "an avid gun collector".

In Texas , he'd be called "a novice gun collector".

In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared", but they'd probably
reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity
of stored food.

In Montana , he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy".

In Idaho , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate".

In Wyoming , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor".

And, in Wisconsin , he'd be called "a deer hunting buddy".

And, in Alabama and Georgia , we just call him "Bubba".

Two guys, one old, one young
Are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart
When they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy,
'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife,
And I guess I wasn't paying attention
To where I was going.'
The young guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too...'
I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate
The old guy says, 'Well,
Maybe I can help you find her..
What does she look like?'
' The young guy says,
'Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall,
With red hair,
Blue eyes, is buxom wearing no bra,
Long legs,
And is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter,
--- let's look for yours.'

2 QUARTERS or a DOLLAR BILL.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer,

'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other,then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want,son?'

The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.

'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'

The boy licked his cone and replied, 'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!'

Kent and three of his buddies have gone ice fishing every Saturday during the winter for nearly forty years. One Saturday, the guys are ice fishing along a highway when a funeral processional drives by. Well, Kent lays down his rod, steps out of the fishhouse, takes off his lucky hat and places it over his heart. This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Kent sits down, puts his hat on and drops his line without saying a word. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions. One of em finally speaks up and says, "that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by." Kent replied, "It seems the least I could do seeing as how I've been married to the woman for over forty years!"

Being Green

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the "green thing" in its' day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store.
The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.

But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks.
This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the "green thing: back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the
throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room.
And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?),
not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service..
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? ??

old joke but still funny every time ..........

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the
contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been
completed a whole year ago- and I still hadn't paid for them.



Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically
stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME
last year,..... namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
themselves!


Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.)


There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just
hung up.... He never called back.


Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.

Who can change a toilet role faster, a DVD Profiler user or a Collectorz user?


Easy, the Collectorz user... the DVD Profiler user need a little bit longer:

1. Reading the rules for changing a toilet role
2. Asking about clarification in the forum
3. Starting a poll to find an optimized way
4. After a tie he decides to wait for Ken's ruling
5. Needs to read several hundred posts why the rules should be changed or not and that they are already clear (or not...)
6. he waits till someone else changes the toilet role for him