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The Dvdprofiler Joke Thread
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DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorLord Of The Sith
Registered: March 17, 2007
United States Posts: 853
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Quoting Rander:
Quote:
Quoting widescreenforever:
Quote:
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

   

The little indian boy went to his father, to chief, and asked him: "Father, why is my big sister called Tall Oak?"
"Well," the chief replied, "that is because she was conceived under a majestic tall oak!"
"Oh," the boy said, "so why is my little sister called Burning Summer?"
"Because she was conceived in the hottest summer we have ever experienced! But why are you aksing these questions, Little Hole in Rubber?" 


As terrible as it is this is how I heard it.

The little boy asks about his older brothers name to which the Chief answer he is called running bear because he saw a bear running as he left the tent after conception
His sister was named Summer rain for the same reason.
Then the chief asks, "Why did you wish to know two dogs F**king
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar Contributorwidescreenforever
Under A Double DoubleW
Registered: March 13, 2007
Reputation: High Rating
Canada Posts: 5,491
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Quoting Lord Of The Sith:
Quote:
Quoting Rander:
Quote:
Quoting widescreenforever:
Quote:
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy."

   

The little indian boy went to his father, to chief, and asked him: "Father, why is my big sister called Tall Oak?"
"Well," the chief replied, "that is because she was conceived under a majestic tall oak!"
"Oh," the boy said, "so why is my little sister called Burning Summer?"
"Because she was conceived in the hottest summer we have ever experienced! But why are you aksing these questions, Little Hole in Rubber?" 


As terrible as it is this is how I heard it.

The little boy asks about his older brothers name to which the Chief answer he is called running bear because he saw a bear running as he left the tent after conception
His sister was named Summer rain for the same reason.
Then the chief asks, "Why did you wish to know two dogs F**king


If I may say..,,, Try not to connect both 'so called jokes' into one Blockquote, ,as my joke had more to do with who's minding the store in relation to Weather watching etc., ( are the Meteorologists watching for tell tale Farmer Almanac signs?  or vice versa??.. )....
The other so called name jokes are sterotyped and shouldn't belong in this joke forum, as these jokes must remain without prejudice to any group or nations.. 

There.. I feel better now... 
In the 60's, People took Acid to make the world Weird. Now the World is weird and People take Prozac to make it Normal.

Terry
DVD Profiler Desktop and Mobile RegistrantStar ContributorRander
I hate mondays...
Registered: March 13, 2007
Denmark Posts: 670
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Quoting widescreenforever:
Quote:
The other so called name jokes are sterotyped and shouldn't belong in this joke forum, as these jokes must remain without prejudice to any group or nations.. 

So, no jokes about americans? Nah, forget it:

A texan farmer was visiting Denmark and saw a danish farm. He couldn't believe how small it was, and said to the danish farmer: "If I go in my car and starts driving all the way around my property, it takes me almost 12 hours!"

The danish farmer took a sip of his coffee, and then calmly replied: "Yeah, I too had a car like that once..." 
The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. (William Gibson)
 Last edited: by Rander
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar Contributorwidescreenforever
Under A Double DoubleW
Registered: March 13, 2007
Reputation: High Rating
Canada Posts: 5,491
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In the 60's, People took Acid to make the world Weird. Now the World is weird and People take Prozac to make it Normal.

Terry
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar Contributorsnarbo
Registered: March 13, 2007
United Kingdom Posts: 1,242
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Q. Did you hear about the new edition of Playboy for married men?

A. It has the same centerfold every month.


Steve
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar Contributorsnarbo
Registered: March 13, 2007
United Kingdom Posts: 1,242
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A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. He waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her.

By following her, he found out she was working in a whore house. The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?"

The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?" The guy replies that all the cabbie has to do is go inside the whore house, grab his wife, put her in the back of the cab, and take them home. The cabbie goes in.

A couple of minutes later, the whore house door gets kicked open, and the cabbie starts dragging out this woman who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here! Hold her!"

The man looks down at the girl and yells to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE!" The cabbie replied, "I KNOW. IT'S MINE. I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!"


Steve
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantZoeper
Registered: 10/03/2003
Registered: March 13, 2007
Austria Posts: 460
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Quoting Rander:
Quote:
Quoting widescreenforever:
Quote:
The other so called name jokes are sterotyped and shouldn't belong in this joke forum, as these jokes must remain without prejudice to any group or nations.. 

So, no jokes about americans? Nah, forget it:

A texan farmer was visiting Denmark and saw a danish farm. He couldn't believe how small it was, and said to the danish farmer: "If I go in my car and starts driving all the way around my property, it takes me almost 12 hours!"

The danish farmer took a sip of his coffee, and then calmly replied: "Yeah, I too had a car like that once..." 


Dude that was a Belgian who had a car like that, and a Dutchman who visited him



Well a Dutchman, a German and a Belgian are at a swimming pool. They were told that if they'd jump from the high dive they could make a wish.
So the German goes first, makes his wish and ends up in a pool filled with beer, obviously 
So the Dutchman goes up while eating a banana, discards the peel and makes his wish and lands in a pool filled with mayonaise, obviously...
Knowing the Belgian we all know what he'd wish for right, so he goes up and while making his wish he trips over the banana peel and says "I wish for sh************t'
Jean-Paul
 Last edited: by Zoeper
DVD Profiler Desktop and Mobile RegistrantStar ContributorRander
I hate mondays...
Registered: March 13, 2007
Denmark Posts: 670
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Quoting JP_S:
Quote:
So the Dutchman goes up while eating a banana, discards the peel and makes his wish and lands in a pool filled with mayonaise, obviously...'

Mayonnaise? Obviously?

That have got the bo one of those "cultural" things you just have to be dutch to understand... 

"Does you dog bite?"
"No."
"Ouch! But you said id didn't bite!?"
"It's not my dog!"
The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. (William Gibson)
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorBluefox75
I don't belong...
Registered: March 13, 2007
United States Posts: 147
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Where did Washington keep his armies?



Scroll down...



























































In his sleevies.
I was wise once; when I was born, I cried - Welsh proverb
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorWinston Smith
Don't be discommodious
Registered: March 13, 2007
United States Posts: 21,610
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Quoting Rander:
Quote:
Quoting widescreenforever:
Quote:
The other so called name jokes are sterotyped and shouldn't belong in this joke forum, as these jokes must remain without prejudice to any group or nations.. 

So, no jokes about americans? Nah, forget it:

A texan farmer was visiting Denmark and saw a danish farm. He couldn't believe how small it was, and said to the danish farmer: "If I go in my car and starts driving all the way around my property, it takes me almost 12 hours!"

The danish farmer took a sip of his coffee, and then calmly replied: "Yeah, I too had a car like that once..." 


Just once.  Thanks to Joe Piscopo.

Skip
ASSUME NOTHING!!!!!!
CBE, MBE, MoA and proud of it.
Outta here

Billy Video
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorWinston Smith
Don't be discommodious
Registered: March 13, 2007
United States Posts: 21,610
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Quoting snarbo:
Quote:
Q. Did you hear about the new edition of Playboy for married men?

A. It has the same centerfold every month.


Steve

Rimshot.

Skip
ASSUME NOTHING!!!!!!
CBE, MBE, MoA and proud of it.
Outta here

Billy Video
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorWinston Smith
Don't be discommodious
Registered: March 13, 2007
United States Posts: 21,610
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How do you make a jackass laugh?

Tell him yours is bigger than his.


How do you make him cry?

Show him.

Skip
ASSUME NOTHING!!!!!!
CBE, MBE, MoA and proud of it.
Outta here

Billy Video
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorO'Hara
Registered: March 13, 2007
Posts: 105
Posted:
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Quoting Rander:
Quote:
Quoting JP_S:
Quote:
So the Dutchman goes up while eating a banana, discards the peel and makes his wish and lands in a pool filled with mayonaise, obviously...'

Mayonnaise? Obviously?

That have got the bo one of those "cultural" things you just have to be dutch to understand... 

"Does you dog bite?"
"No."
"Ouch! But you said id didn't bite!?"
"It's not my dog!"


That one about the mayonnaise is now part of movie lore: Pulp Fiction...

VINCENT (Travolta)

I dunno, I didn't go into a Burger
King. But you know what they put
on french fries in Holland instead
of ketchup?

JULES (Jackson)

What?

VINCENT

Mayonnaise.

JULES

Goddamn!

VINCENT

I seen 'em do it. And I don't mean
a little bit on the side of the
plate, they happy funtimein' drown 'em in
it.

JULES

Uuccch!
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantZoeper
Registered: 10/03/2003
Registered: March 13, 2007
Austria Posts: 460
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You guys got to be kidding right... you Europeans should know the cheeseheads like mayonnaise.
It like, you know, we all live in windmills, walking in clogs, we all have a garden full of tullips and eat cheese... and mayonnaise!







Or not
Jean-Paul
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorWinston Smith
Don't be discommodious
Registered: March 13, 2007
United States Posts: 21,610
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Jean-Paul:

Careful...cheesehead has a different meaning over here, nickname for Green Bay Packers Football fans. Football NOT Soccer.

Skip
ASSUME NOTHING!!!!!!
CBE, MBE, MoA and proud of it.
Outta here

Billy Video
DVD Profiler Unlimited RegistrantStar ContributorO'Hara
Registered: March 13, 2007
Posts: 105
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Quoting JP_S:
Quote:
You guys got to be kidding right... you Europeans should know the cheeseheads like mayonnaise.
It like, you know, we all live in windmills, walking in clogs, we all have a garden full of tullips and eat cheese... and mayonnaise!







Or not


But it's mostly true: I live in a windmill, wear clogs, listen to The George Baker Selection playing "Little Green Bag" all day long 
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